How The Heck Does Anyone Do This?!?!
The Real Reason Your Job Search Feels Impossible as a Working Mom
There’s nothing wrong with her. Or you. Lemme explain.
Let me paint you a very ‘pretty’ (I’m kidding, it’s not pretty but super relatable) scene from one of my clients’ lives. Last month, before she started working with me, she was double-parked in daycare pickup, dictating a Slack apology while extracting a mysterious melted crayon from the backseat (y’all’s it’s hot in Tampa).
She was literally trying to clean up the mess, hand her son some of the popcorn chicken she had picked up from Publix, when she got a LinkedIn alert on her phone from one of her former sorority sisters, saying, “I’m so excited to share I just got a new role!”
She said she did this weird cackle that immediately turned to her bursting into tears. And between her son piping up “Mama, why are you so sad?” all she could think of was “what the heck why is SHE a unicron? Why can’t I find a job that I’’m excited about? Did I miss the orientation on how to keep it all together?”
Woof.
I know that as working moms, we’ve been in those internal crashouts where we’re just looking at someone “make it” and are just like “what the ever loving f$Fk how are they making life look so damn easy!?!”
And I mean it ain’t like you’re not trying! You are! You’re prioritizing emergency snacks and keeping your boss and your children from melting down sometimes all on the same day. I’m tired just writing this.
But here’s the tea: if you feel like the system isn’t working, it’s because it wasn’t built for a 2025 version of YOU to succeed in it.
Here’s My Hard-Won Wisdom.
So lemme start by giving you some black fairy princess wisdom (I don’t mean ACOTAR faes, cause that will just get you killed): you’re not overwhelmed and exhausted because you’re not strong enough or you’re not a unicorn.
You’re completely running on fumes because you’re carrying so much more than women even a decade ago, were. So because so much career advice is so old and honestly geared towards men (hey just go to Meet Ups after work give me a damn break), you’re feeling so much personal responsibility for your career stagnation when you truly shouldn’t.
Myth #1: You’re Failing at “Balance” Because You Haven’t Tried Hard Enough
Confession: I was a silly goose for years. Meaning, I spent YEARS thinking more color-coded calendars and “just one more” LinkedIn update would land me my dream job. Didn’t matter that my toddler got the worst ear infections every time I had an important call, or that my idea of “me time” was finishing my coffee before it hit room temp.
Every podcast and article chirped at me to hustle, optimize, and manifest my next quick pivot. Meanwhile—I was the “default parent,” the snack-packer, the last-minute science fair helper, and still expected to outperform at work.
I used to blame myself for never catching up. Now? I call B.S.
If you’ve ever opened a “networking is easy!” blog post on one screen while rescheduling a well-child checkup on another, this is your cue: The market wasn’t built for us. So let’s build a strategy that is.
What Actually Kept Me (and is KEEPING YOU) Stuck
Let me get ultra-specific—and painfully honest—with the blockages I see that my client had before coming to me (also those that I had for years if I’m being honest with you).
The Job Looks Great on Paper But You’re Paying in Guilt and Overdraft Charges
My own paycheck looked great until I realized it came with weekend emails (so I couldn’t ever go to the park with my husband and the boys🥹 and zero flexibility to support my littlest one with his ABA therapy). The excuses I’ve heard and those from my clients? “We’re all working parents here!” “We’re all team players and you should be too”. You’ve watched male colleagues slide out for golf, while asking for a 4 pm log-off gets you side-eye and whispered questions about your “dedication.”
Resume as Digital Time Capsule
I once had four different versions of my resume open—one in Canva, one in Google Docs, and two in Word, and nearly all of them unfinished because I was stuck between “don’t sell myself short” and “don’t sound arrogant.” Updating it felt as daunting as deeply organizing my boys’ playroom by toy category (why are Lego pieces so damn tiny?!?!). The biggest challenge my clients have is putting down impactyfl wins on their resumes because they feel “arrogrant”, like they’re “bragging” and not “humble”. So the digital snapshot they send recruiters and hiring managers is usually a very old time capsule of themselves that makes their value come off as very very junior.
Meetings During Naptime and All the Mom Guilt as a Perk
You spend “flexible work hours” hiding in your bathroom because it’s the only door with a lock (we’ve all done it). You watch with such dread as your inbox piles up when the daycare is closed, again, and you’re punished for not being “proactive” (I still feel like screaming when I think of this). You skip lunch break to fold laundry. The only “networking” you do is texting another mom to ask if her kid is her kid also got that bug going around the school. Every performance review? Don’t even get me started. You’ve been responsive to everything your supervisor wants all year and have gone above and beyond but….he gives you a 2 instead of a 3 on your review because the expectations you created years ago, just seem like the floor to him now.
The “Grateful Mother”
Let’s be so for real right now too. Actually let me take off my fake glasses to really push this point. You’ve been told to be thankful for stability, benefits, and a seat at the table. But if you ask for “more” (which is soooo normail and why wouldn’t you ask for more since you’re putting in the work), you get so many side-eyes and whispers.
Your boss says, “Aren’t you lucky to work from home?” as if that means you’re napping all day.
Your mother-in-law “helpfully” forwards an email about “women who prioritize family values.” Your friend says “Well girl it could be worse”. You swallow your rage, hold back the tears, and go back to work anyway.
Your Timeline Isn’t Yours
Every time you try to block off time for job searching, someone gets a fever, Zoom locks you out, or you find out your “must attend” project update has been moved to 5:30pm “so everyone can join.” You take the meeting on mute, hand in the fish sticks, and still get dinged for not “leaning in” hard enough. And sometimes (this is going to hurt a little but I say it with love), that little devil on your shoulder is convincing your brain to fill up that job search time with other things because you’re afraid to put yourself out there. Too much?
Absolutely—this is exactly the kind of bold specificity and snappy structure that will make your post sing and give your readers a clear, “oh, thank GOD someone finally said it” moment.
The 10 Job Market “Hacks,” Tips & Tricks That Are Absolute Nonsense
I’m going to keep being honest for a beat. After years of slogging through advice that fizzles faster than a juice box at soccer practice (y’alls those are delicious and I can’t help it), here are the top ten “can you not?!” job market myths that I never ever EVER use with my clients and I’m campaigning to be retired for working moms everywhere:
You Should Network with 10 New People Every Week!
This is written by people who apparently have an assistant, a nanny, and no aftercare bill. You’re networking with the school nurse more than recruiters. That’s not a mindset issue—that’s called survival.
Just Apply to 5–10 Jobs Daily and the Perfect Offer Will Arrive
Boy bye. Show me one mom with time, space, and emotional bandwidth for this, and I’ll show you someone with a full-time wife. Boom. Shotgun-applying and spraying and praying just burns you out (and makes rejection sting even more).
Optimize Your Resume for Bots and Beat the Algorithm
Because what working mom *loves* spending her “free” time learning how ATS software scores word choices? Spoiler alert, cause I’m all about giving you the tea: No keyword string is getting you flexibility or empathy from a hiring manager.
Personal Branding Is Everything So Go Viral on LinkedIn!
If you had time to go viral, you’d use it to actually do the hobbies that bring you so much more joy. (And nobody but other working moms cares about your “fun fact” at the bottom of your About section.)
Just Wake Up at 4 a.m. to Get a Head Start
The only thing happening at 4 a.m. for you is a child with a nightmare or a forgotten science project. This advice is for people without a school drop-off or carpool line.
Manifest Your Dream Role by Thinking Positively!
Sis. Mama. Mamacita. Mere. Baby girl. Lemme tell you something. You can manifest organization all you want. But if systemic sexism and lack of support are real, “positive vibes” just mean you’re exhausted but now feel guilty for feeling negative.
Accept Unpaid Work to ‘Get Your Foot in the Door’
Newsflash for the 5pm news: Your time isn’t any less valuable because you multitask family tasks and deadlines. You don’t need to prove yourself with free labor to people who don’t get your worth. We aint got time for that. Not today.
Never Say No: Always Take On More to Stand Out
That’s how you ended up in martyr mode to begin with girl! We’ve been trained as women to always set ourselves on fire to keep other people warm. The only “standing out” happening is that you burn out, develop a chronic health condition, while others log off on time.
Your Gap Needs to Be Hidden or Excused
Translation: Pretend your family, caretaking, or pandemic years didn’t exist. You’ve kept actual humans alive! Like hello!! That gig is résumé gold, not a skeleton to hide.
One Perfect Cover Letter Will Open All the Right Doors
As if playing Mad Libs with buzzwords will land you a job that respects your time or your boundaries. The right manager cares if you can deliver results, not if you can recite their mission statement back to them.
So what now?
If you’ve been nodding along like “wait… is she in my group chat??”…then I made you something.
The truth is, the job search isn’t working because it’s not designed to work for you. You’re juggling two full-time jobs: paid labor and unpaid labor. The issue isn’t your ambition (like girl you have plenty of that): it’s just that no one has shown you a path that actually accounts for your life.
That’s exactly why I made this.
The Working Mom’s Overwhelm Audit
It’s a short but mighty self-check I use with every coaching client. Inside, you’ll get two tools:
- A Mindset Trap Tracker to help you spot the burnout loops draining your energy
- A Limiting Beliefs Reflection Worksheet so you can finally name and challenge the stories keeping you stuck
You don’t need another productivity hack. Ya don’t. You need a clear-eyed way to see why the job search feels so impossible and where to start shifting your career with your real life in mind.
You’re not broken. The system is. Let’s name it, see it, and start moving.
How The Heck Does Anyone Do This?!
The Real Reason Your Job Search Feels Impossible as a Working Mom
So the next time you’re sobbing in the Target parking lot after seeing yet another “I’m thrilled to share…” LinkedIn post, I need you to remember these 3 critical things like your career depends on them:
They’re not magical.
You’re not behind.
You’re just ready for a better way.
And that’s what I’m building girl. It’s for you, with you, because of you.
👉🏾 Download The Working Mom’s Overwhelm Audit here : it’s your first clear step toward a job search strategy that doesn’t gaslight your reality.
In your corner and always at your table,
Jane
Jane’s Favorites This Week:
💛 Perfume I’m obsessed with: Nishane’s Wulong Cha — It smells like the softest and crispiest (is that word) oolong and green tea. I bought myself a full size as a gift to myself for a huge career milestone. Everytime I spray it, I think of what I’ve overcome to be here. 🥹
💻 Working mom pratice I’m using on repeat: I want my boys to know that I care about what’s going through their little brains. So 2 questions I ask regularly are: “What makes you feel loved?” and “What do you want to understand about the world?”
📚 Currently reading: The Bronze Horseman by Paullina Simons Bradley. Y’alls. I haven’t cried this hard since my daddy died. The way this book absolutely wrecked me…..
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